Nomafili

Here in South Africa I frequently hear stories that break my heart; stories of pain, suffering, disease, loneliness, heartache, depression, and death. This is especially true at the Friday orphan support group where kids feel safe to open up about struggles they face dealing with their parents death, feeling alone, insecure, and afraid.
This past Friday, a sweet 16-year-old came into group late and pulled me aside. We stepped outside and as soon as we sat down I could tell that she had a heavy heart. Nomafili's parents died not too long ago and she was left in charge of her three younger siblings. Her parents died without writing a will, thus allowing selfish extended family to step in and take all of the families belongings, leaving only the shack for the four kids to survive in. Being the oldest, Nomafili has carried a heavy burden, one that no child her age should have to bare. This Friday I could tell that she was beginning to break under the weight.
She began to tell me about her problems. Every day she wakes up wondering where she will find food for she and her siblings to eat. Her younger sister, Onele (8), came to her and begged for some money so that she could buy lunch at school just for one day. She told Nomafili that she is so embarrassed at school when all of the other children are eating lunch and she doesn't have anything to eat. Nomafili had to tell her little sister that they don't have any money and she has nothing to give. I asked Nomafili how much she eats a day and she says that she can usually eat about one meal a day. She feels the burden of trying to raise her siblings and take care of their needs while trying to balance her own studies. She worries about their safety. She worries about the younger kids beginning to steal from others because they are hungry. She feels totally alone, fearful, broken, desperate, and without any hope for the future. She told me that her heart hurts so badly that she wants to take it out and throw it far, far, away.
She looked me straight in the eyes with tears streaming down her face and asked, "Jen, how could God do this to me? How could he leave me alone with all of this? I can't do it! Why did he let my parents die?" I wish I had some healing words for her at that moment. I wish I could have answered her questions in a way that was clear and comforting. All I could do was hug her as she cried and assure her that God hadn't left, even if she couldn't feel Him.
I encouraged her to go to God and express her anger and hurt. I told her that it is helpful to pray about all of those things on her heart and mind. At the end of the day, I found the following prayer in the prayer box written by Nomafili:

"You know? I don't know what Jesus want from me? He give me the hard thing for my life and I don't know how to do with those things. Sometime I feel like he don't love me or look after me or maybe he is playing with me? Does God love me or not? There are so many things that hold my wish, I do have dream for the future but he is letting my dreams down. Amen."

Please pray for Nomafili. Please pray that she would experience God's presence and really turn to Him as a Father, Comforter, and Protector. Pray that she would continue to turn to God and express what is on her heart and mind instead of running away from Him. Pray that she would experience a renewed trust and faith. Also, please pray that Bridges of Hope would be wise as we discern the ways that we can intervene and help Nomafili and her siblings without creating an unhealthy dependency. Pray that we could find an adult in Philippi who would be willing to move in with these four kids and help take care of them.